Left Handed Document

I haven't always been left handed; when I was young my parents put a pencil in my hand and told me to do it right. Evidently I screwed that up. People are always trying to tell me that there's a difference between people who write with their left and people who write with their right, but there isn't. Being a lefty just makes me more unique than you.

This document has been written entirely with my left hand. 

Here's my attempt at transitioning into a topic with relevance:

What's the deal with the two different sides of the brain? I'm told that every individual uses one side more than the other. Some are left hemisphere, some are right hemisphere, at least this is what I've heard. People propose that the right side of your brain is used for creative output, while the left is for pure logic. Right side used for creativeness and imagination? Left side for logic? Well, using the right side of my brain, apparently, I imagine that this idea is a complete and total farce. This entire theory was created by some fat jabroni who didn't know his left hemisphere from his left cheek. That's the ass cheek.

To be perfectly honest, I follow the archaic theory that the brain is sectioned into many parts running vertically along the cerebrum. My inner eye, located just above my brow, stares backward into my brain allowing me to perceive the past.

Get it? 

Yet, evidence suggests that I have yet to use any lobe or hemisphere of my brain. So far it has been running quite smoothly in an inactive state. I make sure it's in perfect running order by applying alcoholic lubricant to it four to five times a week. My brain feels great.

My brain looks like potato shit.

Hemisphere, stupid. 

Planter Earth?

No.

Brain..